I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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