I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
