my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
