Michael Bay diarrhea
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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