You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
