I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize