Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
3 2 1 whiskey
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
