I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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