My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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