I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize