Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
