hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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