I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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