i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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