I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
