If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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