Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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