just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
