So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
