I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
