Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
