I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
This beer is not sobering me up at all
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
