she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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