So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
