I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
im six kinds of drunk right now
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
