I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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