You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
She said her name was "party"
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
