Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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