you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
