I was born with a shot glass in my hand
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
