This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
