Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
