Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Randomize
