Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
