Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
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