we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
