i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
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Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
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All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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