i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
