you have to choose: penises or morals?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
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90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
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Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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