she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
