Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
