I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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