Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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