If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
