The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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