I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
