I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
