Tell her she can't have a vagina
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
