Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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