hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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