There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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