My balls are so social today.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
