if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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