I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
