After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
