***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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