If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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