I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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