it wasn't lemon gatorade
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
