Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
