i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
