dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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