just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
i think my cat just said my name.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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