like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
