I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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