I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
even my farts smell like vagina
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
