i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I am available for nakedness
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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